This is the second post from Greg Bray, who has kindly agreed to write a series of guest blogs here at How to Get Published. While his posts focus on writing humorous newspaper columns, his advice is sound for anybody looking to get published in newspapers and magazines.
Greg Bray is a shift worker living in Gladstone, Central Queensland. On his days off he spends a fair bit of his time tapping away at his keyboard, writing a regular weekly column for the Gladstone Observer, or trying to bring some of his characters to heel in his novels.
When he is not handcuffed to his laptop, he can usually be found working around the house, spending time with his family, touring on his bicycle or motorbike, or simply sitting in his tinnie wondering why the fish aren’t biting.
One day he hopes to make a living as a full time writer. You can contact him via his Blog which can be found by googling ‘Gladbloke’, or by going directly to http://gladbloke.wordpress.com/.
“If it’s your dream, then have a go!”
Finding Your Style
It’s one thing to tell a funny story to some friends when everyone is relaxed and having a good time. You can use overt gestures or strange facial movements to drive home a punch line for big laughs. But to sit down and write a funny column is a totally different animal, and the great verbal story teller may not necessarily be a good written story teller. I’ll say it again, write as often as you can, and if you persist, you will find your voice, your style, your technique, your method, and most importantly, your Thesaurus.
You may discover that you have a gift for using analogies, or making complex information easy to understand, or have a completely different viewpoint from other commentators on a popular subject. Whatever your particular, and unique style is, you will only find it by long hours of writing. Every day, if possible.
Your subject matter is also extremely important. There are plenty of things to write about, but if your topic is not relevant or interesting enough to the majority of readers, then no matter how funny you are, you’re not going to keep them coming back week after week. A word of warning though, avoid topics that have been worked to death, and avoid at all costs, the column about “Having nothing to write about”.
As you continue to write, you’ll develop an amazing ability to quickly come up with trite, droll, and hopefully hilarious columns. So get writing, and enjoy the process of discovery.
First Edit
Most of my first drafts range from 800 to 1,000 words, but by the time they are published they have been trimmed to approximately 550 to 650 words. This is comfortable for me. When I started, they were longer (much longer), and I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that not one word could possibly be removed without destroying the entire column. In the words of Hermione Grainger, “What an idiot!”
Newspaper editors only have so much space. I’ve heard that some columnists have been forced to submit columns with a 500 word maximum to fit space, advertising, and readership requirements. They can do it, and so can you. Not me though, I’m special…
Ok, I’m limited as well. My long columns were cut to the bone, then cut again, and again in the editing process. I was given the target word count of between 500 to 700 words. The simple fact is, any column longer than 700 words is a strain for the average reader, and faced with a page full of print, they will tend to flick past your handiwork and go straight on to the comics.
To make my point; while reading the Letters to the Editor pages in the paper, how often do you find yourself bypassing, lengthy, long winded letters, and scanning instead the numerous (and shockingly spelled) texts? Unless a letter writer can grab you, first with the title of his letter, then with his opening line, then all he has written is in vain because many readers will either ignore the bulk of his letter, or at best, skim through it.
So, keep your columns short. And simple. Elongated words and flowery prose may impress your old English teacher, but they will drive away most of your potential readers. Look for ways of trimming several words by using one simple, plain word instead.
Final Edit
In all that dirt is the hidden gem of a column, which must be found, extracted, cut, polished then presented to your editor. Once you have reached a point where you are happy with the content, and have re-read the column so many times you’ve just about hypnotised yourself and are no longer laughing at your own jokes, then you must do something very important. Let it sit idle on your hard drive for at least 12 hours, then read it again. And then read it once more.
If you have read it through twice, and not made any significant changes, then it is ready for publication. You will know that it is the best work you can do, and that is what you are aiming for. You don’t want ‘Good Enough’, you want ‘Fantastic, Great, Marvellous!’ as this is what makes the good columnists stand out: their care factor. You will build a solid base of readers with good writing, (and remember the more you write, the better you’ll get!), and their positive feedback will keep you in print once you make it to publication, so aim high.
Some columns will practically write themselves. The words flow like magic from your fingertips. But the majority of them will test your resolve. And a few will drive you insane until you flick them into the ‘Need More Work’ folder on your computer. If your subject is not making you laugh, then there is a pretty good chance it’s not making anyone else laugh either. Sometimes it’s best to take a difficult column for a quiet stroll in a grassy field, then put a bullet through it's heading. You’ll know when it’s time.
I’ve Written a Column, Now What?
Well, for a start I’d like to say, “Good on You!” You’ve taken a gigantic first step and you should be congratulated. Have a bit of a bask in the glow of your initial success, feel free to hold some sort of appropriate celebration, then sit yourself down again at your desk and think about writing at least another nine columns. Once you have ten well-written columns up your sleeve, you’ll have enough to hopefully impress an Editor of a mag, or paper. One good column is great, but what an editor craves is consistency. Are you able produce a quality column each week? How wide is your subject range? Can you take a current event then churn out 500 relevant and rib tickling words?
Once you’re satisfied that you can meet the above requirements, then the hard task of lifting your dream off the runway is all but complete, now all you need to do is keep flying, and work out where you want to go!
(c) Copyright 2010. The author, Greg Bray, remains the copyright owner of the content of this post.
Enjoyed your post.
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